


The Hazards of Being Tony Stark

by petroltogo



Series: The Many Hazards Regarding Tony Stark [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Very Unusual Engagement (Sort Of), Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt at Humor, But No Breakup, Clichéd Breakup Lines, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Possessive Tony, Protective Everonye Else, Protective Tony, Security Guards Steve and Bucky, Sweet Tony, Tony Deals With His Overprotective Friends, billionaire Tony, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petroltogo/pseuds/petroltogo
Summary: It's time for Tony to address his overprotective friends' concern. This is Tony Stark we're talking about though, and even when forced to act like an adult he's still going to do things his way. By getting engaged, apparently.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan on revisiting this universe but then I got a sweet prompt on tumblr and here we are. I hope you enjoy the mess that is Tony trying to straighten everything out as much as I do!
> 
> Prompt: Thank you so much for writing the prompt where everyone gives steve and bucky shovel talks. maybe a little follow up ficlet would be nice where tony tells everyone pepper, rhodey, clint, natasha, bruce, peter to tone it down a little. he is touched that they care, truly is but they are scaring bucky and steve. bucky and steve try to stop tony because they can take whatever tony's friends throw at them. they truly love him. tony is mollified and the three of them live together happily forever.
> 
> As usual all mistakes are my own.

“We need to talk.”

Tony can’t believe _he_  is the one forced to utter these damned words. Especially not to the people in front of him. Usually it is him on the receiving end of them, coupled with a hand full of pointless excuses supposed to soothe the sting. Tony knows these words, knows what they mean, always and without fault.

As it turns out though he’s not above wielding their power against the very people he calls his friends, if the situation he requires it. And when his boyfriends keep reaching for a nearby knife at the slightest sound, look over their shoulders for no good reason and even jerk awake grabbing - and consequently destroying - his favourite bedside lamp, the situation _definitely_ requires it.

Tony loves Steve and Bucky - and yes, he’s still freaking out about that revelation - but even he has his limits regarding how much twitching and seemingly unfounded paranoia he’s willing to tolerate. Besides Tony knows his boys. They’re very capable of taking care of themselves. Hell, even when they aren't they carry themselves with a confidence that borders on purposeful self-endangerment. That confidence may or may not have been one of the first things that had attracted Tony's attention and it makes their recent behaviour lately all the more alarming.

To be honest it’s ridiculous how long it’s taken Tony to get a straight answer out of them - and if he had to resort to some of his early twenty sexcapades moves, well, no one but Steve and Bucky have to know - but it was entirely necessary. Not just because it’s driven Tony insane to be very obviously kept out of the loop but also because he has been worried. Just a little bit. A tiny little bit. Tony’s got enemies after all and it wouldn’t be the first time that someone close to him has been targeted. Woe’s of a billionaire and all that.

But no, instead of blackmail and other, evil schemes it's apparently the people gathered in front of him that have been the cause of the problem. His _friends_. Who deemed it a wise decision to stalk, threaten and generally treat his boyfriends with disdainful suspicion. Seriously, Tony has always been perfectly capable of ruining his relationships on his own, he does not need nor appreciate them speeding the process along. Except that Steve's gotten that upset, kicked puppy expression when Tony said those words out loud and Bucky went of on a rant that involved lots of cussing and lots of hands-on kisses and let's just say that they have made it very clear they are not going anywhere any time soon.

Which does not make Tony smile sappily. It does not, and screw Bucky and his stupid, sexy, knowing grin.

With a put-upon sigh Tony lets his gaze room over the people he’s gathered in his living room. Rhodey is there of course, back as straight as humanly possible, sitting next to Pepper who’s combing her vibrant hair with her perfectly manicured fingers. Those two Tony can sort of understand. They're always quick to come to his defence, in relationships and outside of them. Especially Rhodey, who’s been protective of him since their shared MIT days.

Then there’s a clearly uncomfortable Bruce who is a bit of a surprise but still more or less believable. They're science bros, even if Bruce refuses to wear the printed T-Shirts, and it's nice to get a confirmation, round-about as it may be, that their friendship isn't as one-sided as Tony sometimes worries it might be. Bruce is sharing the couch with Clint and Natasha and those last two Tony definitely didn’t see coming. He still doesn't.

Sure, he likes Clint but he’s pretty sure the blonde man’s only been tolerating him for his tips- and because Tony can’t get fired for insulting Clint’s less bearable customers. And Natasha Romanov, full-time ninja and part-time Pepper’s second-in-command? She’s just waiting for an opportunity to sell Tony’s organs on the black market, nothing is going to convince Tony otherwise. Perhaps she’s unwilling to share her prey? Whatever her motivation, there is no way she wouldn’t have found out about this impromptu meeting of Tony’s. Better invite her from the start, at least here Tony’s got witnesses.

Natasha’s staring at him now, the picture of I-have-no-idea-what-I’ve-done-to-deserve-this-treatment-Mr.-Stark. Tony clears his throat, deciding to get this over with before she uses her magic skills to make him disappear or convinces him to give her another raise.

“As you may or may not be aware,” Tony begins, because nobody has ever accused him of not being dramatic, “Steve, Bucky and I have had our difficulties this past week.”

They haven’t actually. Despite their weird behaviour Bucky has seen it fit to kidnap Tony the second his jet touched American ground, long before the first journalist realised that Steve prominently positioned at the terminal was in fact a diversion tactic. Nobody ever sees it coming when Steve and his sweetest, most clueless smile are involved. Nevertheless Tony might have fired his security for partaking in his lovers’ schemes without informing him, if not for the fact that, well. Bucky had been a bit busy proving just how much he had missed Tony and by the time Steve joined the fray Tony had more important things to worry about than his too easily bribed bodyguards. And things have only gotten better after that.

Nowadays it takes every ounce of self-control Tony possessed not to marry them on the spot ~~and lock them up in the secret Stark tower floor where he wouldn’t have to share them with anyone else every time Steve smiles at him and Bucky leers suggestively over his shoulder~~.

But Tony’s friends have no way of knowing how great his relationship is going and the way all of them suddenly tensed, the faintest glint of murder in certain eyes, confirms everything his boyfriends have been telling him. Not that Tony has doubted them but it is still nice to be able to confirm it. It’s also incredibly entertaining.

“I know, I know,” Tony raises his arms placatingly, “this isn’t exactly a surprise to anyone here. We all know my track record isn’t the best.” Fine, he’s probably overdoing it, never mind risking his boyfriends’ continued health but Tony can’t help it. These people are his friends and logically Tony knows they’re doing their best to look out for him. He doesn’t begrudge them that right. But logic has very little weight where Steve and Bucky are concerned.

“But we’ve had a long talk yesterday and have come to the inevitable conclusion.“ Tony takes a deep breath. He really can’t believe he’s going to say it but he’s already started with a cliché, he might as well finish the job properly.

“The problem isn’t me, it’s you.” Saying as much with a straight face really isn’t as easy as it sounds, Tony thinks privately. “I appreciate your concern but I kindly ask you to stop stalking Steve and Bucky. Should they mess up at any time, I’ve sent you an email with a list of all your threats and the transgressions that would justify them. I’ve also included marks based on credibility, execution of the treat, creativity and use of proper grammar- Congrats, Natasha, for the best score that we’ve all expected, although Bruce is a surprisingly close second. Back to the point, until such an event comes to pass, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t leave my fiancés fearing for their lives. I like adrenaline-fuelled, being-fucked-against-the-wall sex as much as the next guy but there’s something about a bed, taking your sweet time and enjoying a slow build-up that’s just magical, don’t you think?” Tony’s babbling, words running away with him, almost tripping over each other in their eagerness and. Yeah. He should probably flee before they have the chance to process everything he’s just thrown at them.

“Thanks again for your concern and Pep, I’m really impressed by the stuff you came up with!” Tony yells over his shoulder as he rushes towards the elevator JARVIS, angel that he is, has already waiting for him. “Love you guys!”

The doors close just as- “TONY!” “TMI, Stark! Jesus Christ, TMI!” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FIANCÉS?!”

With a huff of breath Tony leans against the elevator wall. His boyfriends are not going to be happy with him. Not after they explicitly told him “It’s fine, doll, they’re just worried ‘bout you,” and “We can take care of ourselves, sweetheart, you’re not getting rid of us this easily.” 

Then again, they really should have known better than to expect him to let it go like that, Tony decides with a firm nod. Steve especially. Tony loves that man with all his heart but it’s not like he knows the meaning of ‘backing down’ once he’s started something. And Bucky really isn’t much better, just tends to get lost in Steve’s shadow because he prefers the wordless threats in contrast to Steve’s lectures. So they might be a little pissed but they also don’t have much room to talk. If anything, they’ll use their frustration against him in the bedroom which is really a win, as far as Tony is concerned.

The real question is: How is he going to explain the small, totally unimportant fiancé-thingy to his scarily perceptive boyfriends?

~~Hint: If Tony thinks the title ‘fiancés’ will quell his friends’ worry he is very much wrong. If Steve and Bucky think they’ve seen anything yet, they’re very much wrong. If anyone thinks Steve and Bucky give a single fuck about any threat whatsoever when they have a blushing genius boyfriend stutter himself through an explanation of why calling them his fiancés “ _just slipped out, it doesn’t have to mean anything_ ,” they are very much wrong.~~

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, the kudos button and comment section are free for use ;P And also I don't know why I felt the need to include the breakup lines. I just did. Thoughts?
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [tonystarktogo](http://tonystarktogo.tumblr.com/). If you have some prompts or headcanons of your own, don't be shy and share them with me!


End file.
